Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
