so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
