My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
