can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
