The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
