Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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