Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
