That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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