i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
