naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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