my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
