im six kinds of drunk right now
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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