There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
