I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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