Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize