It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
