Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
