Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
