Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
third nipple confirmed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
