I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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