apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
