i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
