We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
