are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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