hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
