I'm drive I can fine osifer
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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