we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
