her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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