I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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