there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
