The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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