im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
