I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
try to milk me bitch
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