I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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