i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Actions speak louder than pants.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
