i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
