How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
smell my finger.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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