margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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