I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
