He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
