i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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