In America we eat man semen.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
