would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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