yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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