guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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