Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
