you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
