Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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