My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
