nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
