Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize