Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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