You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize