It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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