Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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