Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Randomize
