it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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