tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you never un-have a 4some
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize