When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
