Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
