he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
