Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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