Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
