who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i've created a new STD.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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