she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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