if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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