i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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