Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My penis needs a shock collar
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
