I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
