We're facebook friends in real life
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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