Sry I called you an 8
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
